Asked for Acne Advice

My daughter was very upset when she came home Friday because apparently a school friend asked her for advice on how to deal with her “zits.” This girl is more like an acquaintance than a friend and sits at her lunch table sometimes. She and my daughter talk but more on a casual level during school and when they run into each other at the lunch table or have random school events together. I haven’t heard my daughter mention this girl before now but apparently her request for advice really upset my daughter. 

Her upset could have been because she asked my daughter at the lunch table in front of her friends, “Hey what do you use for your zits? My face is breaking out pretty bad and I want to do something about it.” My daughter told me that she wanted to die because she was so embarrassed. I asked her how she responded and she told me that she shrugged it off and said “I don’t know, why you are asking me?” My daughter got up shortly after that dialogue and went to the bathroom because she said she was so embarrassed that this girl would assume that she uses something for her zits.

I explained to my daughter that the girl was probably not trying to embarrass her and that sometimes people don’t realize that others are sensitive about certain things. I told her to see if she could get the girl alone and just let her know that her request just caught her off guard. I told my daughter that she should tell the girl that she doesn’t like to talk about her personal stuff in front of the lunch table. I also told my daughter that this girl may benefit from her advice and that she should give her a second chance. My daughter was most upset because she felt that the girl asked her specifically because everyone can tell she has zits and that means they aren’t getting better. As a mother what can I say to that?

There is probably very little I can do to make this situation better but I gave her some advice as food for thought. I explained to her that the body changes as we get older and for fourteen year old girls these changes can come virtually overnight. Hormones and body development does cause a rapid change in teenagers both emotionally and physically, while you have zits today someone else might get them at 18, you can’t really tell how the body is going to work.

While I have consistently commented on her frequent mood swings I am sure that we haven’t seen the worst of the teenage years yet .The way I look at it we are at the beginning of a long road of teenage attitudes, changes, fights, acne, hurt feelings and inconsiderate friends. I only hope that my daughter will make things right with this girl and that this one comment won’t make her more self-conscious than she already is.

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